The Essence of Love
In intimate relationships, while they may activate our fears and trigger past wounds, they also present an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, heal our wounds, and reclaim our power.
Love is not an abstract noun; it is a living, vibrant connection that unfolds through openness, vulnerability, healing, and reopening in relationships.
And true love is a verb, a process of helping each other move toward emotional maturity.
If I have already learned to fulfill my own inner needs, then what purpose does a relationship or a partner serve? Why should I enter into a relationship?
Choosing not to enter into relationships and suppressing our needs is merely a defensive pattern, an attempt to avoid getting hurt and withdrawing internally. This suppression of needs can bring many issues to our lives, such as cynicism, a victim mentality, or living in quiet depression.
When we enter into relationships, we need to open our hearts, allowing both positive and negative experiences to touch our tender, sensitive, and easily wounded hearts. Opening our hearts also means that the unfulfilled and unhealed parts of us from different stages of life, where we experienced wounds, will also accompany us into the relationship.
This is the perfect opportunity for healing and satisfying our self-needs.
Each one of us carries various wounds, not only from personal experiences but also from our parents, family, and ancestors. When we enter into relationships, we may experience additional wounds.
When these longings and needs come to the surface, it becomes our healing moment. If we don't take responsibility for it and live in an illusion, expecting the other person to do, heal, and bandage our wounds, we are bound to be disappointed. This leads to a vicious cycle where we close our hearts once again, losing the chance for optimal self-healing.
Does a person exist in the world independently or rely on others?
Both perspectives have their merits. A person cannot be completely independent, nor can they rely entirely on others. We need to find a sweet balance between independence and intimacy, discovering the right approach.
If one side always takes care of the other, it leads to regression and is unsustainable. It resembles parents taking care of children, which is not a mature intimate relationship.
Being with someone's greatest significance is seeing the areas where we need to grow through them. This person makes me more complete.
In intimate relationships, the experience of intimacy arises from a dynamic balance of giving and receiving between each other. I have the ability to take care of myself, and I can also give to the other person, who receives. The other person has the ability to take care of themselves, and they can also give to me. This sweet balance allows the relationship to deepen and flow forward incessantly.
As Goethe said, "When people find themselves again in others, they begin to know their existence." When we start taking responsibility for our own needs and desires, we embark on a path towards mature love.