Navigating the Challenges of Finding the Right Partner

      In an intimate relationship, you may have experienced constantly paying attention to your partner, wanting to give them the "best love": "What do you want to eat? Are you cold? Do you want water? Be careful when you walk!"

      You enter a state of almost losing yourself, completely giving yourself to the other person. Many studies have found that this feeling of "love" has a limited shelf life, generally lasting from three months to six months because it is based on the secretion of hormones. We usually call it the infatuation stage of love.

      During this stage, we may have the premise that there is something missing in our lives, and this person can give it to us.

      Behind this is an invisible "demand," which especially reveals itself after the infatuation stage of love has passed:

      If you don't give me the companionship I want, I will stay away from you; If you don't love me the way I want you to, then I will withdraw my love from you; If you don't give me the attention I want, then I will withdraw my expectations from you...

      Many problems in marriage and relationships often arise from here. Once the other person can't give us what we want, our expectations are not met, and we become aggrieved, angry, complain, blame, lose patience, which puts pressure and burden on the relationship, and we also lose our power, making the relationship into a vicious cycle.

      We need empathy and care for each other's feelings, but more importantly, harmony.

      It is not feasible for one party to always take care of the other, because this is regression, just like parents taking care of children, which is not a mature and intimate relationship.

      Therefore, when we feel unloved, misunderstood, and lonely in a relationship, it is a signal that we need to take care of ourselves, listen to our own needs and desires, and satisfy our psychological needs at this mature age.

      If we can do this for ourselves and bring these new experiences back into the relationship, we will see our partners more completely, see their limitations, their injuries, and loneliness. At this point, compassion arises. When we enter the relationship with compassion, we go beyond the problem and touch each other more genuinely and get closer to each other.